The Portal

John El Mokadem Author

I don’t know about you but in my life much has fallen away lately. I’ve written and shared a bit about it over the last few months. If you haven't already read my last blog about it, you can read it by Clicking Here.

I’d hoped that at some point that process might eventually lead to some kind of plateau. Perhaps it might at some point but it hasn’t yet and so far that sense of falling away is showing no signs of stopping. Just when I’m thinking there isn’t anymore that could fall away, more things have:

More ideas.

More friendships.

More identities.

More interests.

More certainties that now seem anything but...

I was having a moment this morning lamenting and feeling sad about one of these changes which has bothered me for a few weeks. Learning to be with these feelings of grief and loss has become a mainstay of my personal process in recent times!!  I was asking myself what, if anything, I needed to 'do' about this situation and I pulled two cards.

The first card was entitled Portal. The summary said that: “Doors are opening. You decide. Rewards. Wild card”.

I read the description (which I will post a photo of at the end of the blog) and was initially puzzled. My current experience in the moment I pulled the card was not of doors opening but of doors closing!! Yet here I was being reminded by my Higher Self (via the cards) that the opposite was in fact true.

Still in my confusion I pulled another card. This one was entitled:

"Loosen Your Grip".

The summary: “Coping mechanisms. Density. Addiction. Let God in.”

As I read the descriptions of the two cards I realised that I had forgotten something. Energy is never destroyed. It simply mutates. It changes form.

It’s so human to hold onto and lament things that fall away because it feels like something is being destroyed and taken away. In a way something IS being destroyed - our minds idea of ourself, who we think we are and what we think we do.  Without realising that destruction is part of mutation, it leads us to cling and hold on. Yet nothing is being taken away really. The energy is simply changing into a new form.

As I saw this I realised that some new 'forms' have already shown up. Doors have actually opened which I don’t often recognise as the seeds of this new transmuted energy because I’m too busy looking at what has fallen away.

Some of the new:

- I have a lot more space in my life than ever. Space to reflect. Be. Cook. Meditate.

- I’ve witnessed and played a part in the transformation of someone very close to me. In their process of transformation, it has woken up for me a much deeper sense of the power within us all and why we really don't need to be afraid.

- I walk regularly and appreciate the nature around me more than I ever have. In fact I can't believe how much nature there literally is on my doorstep which I had never noticed because I was so busy 'doing things'.

- My diet has changed radically. I’ve always wanted to eat more wholesome foods but I was so busy with all the things I was doing that it had never really come easily. Organic fruit, vegetables, juices and home cooked meals are a much more solid thing in our house now.

None of these changes has occurred as a result of planning.  All have been organic and a result of life happening and me responding in the moment to what has shown up.  Interesting...

But perhaps more importantly - the quest for more, itself, is one of those things that seems to be falling away. By going through this process of letting go I’ve come to really and truly realise that I don’t want more and that I’ve nothing to prove because there's really nowhere to get to and nothing I need to fulfil me.

And I think this is what has so thrown my mind so much and why so much of what is new in my life is actually intangible (kind of like the beautiful but formless image of the portal in the card I picked)!  

Whereas before all of that 'old doings' might have been replaced by 'new doings', now they are being replaced by more being. More peace. More moments of connection. More stillness.  More wonder at what is rather than at what might or could be.

Paradoxical that these moments of peace could show up in such a topsy turvy world.

And yet I think this is the gift of what is happening with all the chaos both externally in the world and internally for many of us.

The universe is uplevelling us and it's like a quickening. To go back to the cards I pulled, we are literally going through a paradigmatic portal. Things are becoming so chaotic for us so that we are forced to let go of all our old paradigm ways of seeking and doing and come home. Because it’s really the only thing that makes sense. When all that has fallen away, it is the only thing that is left.

It may seem like doors are closing because a lot of form is falling away and because the remnants of our ego are used to assessing our lives according to what we 'do'.  

But the portal to our hearts, the door to who we truly are and our peace is actually being opened. It’s not in the form of our lives. Not in new relationships, jobs, or stuff. Not in resisting changes that are occurring. It’s before the very idea of those things. If it seems like so much is falling away and that you are trying to find out what is next, then perhaps you too are being invited to walk through the portal. Perhaps it is time to turn away from the chaos, let go and relax into your being?

I know that might seem scary, but from what I can see we are going back to a clean slate.  A starting place that is akin to our original face before all the conditioning that caused us to seek everything out externally.    

It’s here, right now, when we loosen our grip of whatever we are holding onto or seeking.  What if we let that be the place that we start to create from and what if, actually, in this place there is far less to do than we once did?    

With all my love,

John ❤️

Here are the card descriptions if you are interested.  The card deck I used here is the Starseed Oracle deck - it's one that resonates deeply for me.

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